Who is breaking your trust? #ADHD

    How do you know you were being Deceitful to you own self? I sometimes do ask myself a question, in a situation, which I faced, and I reacted in a way or behaved in a way, did I feel resentful and angry for that behavior? Of course to my best judgement. You will often realize, you should have said something you didn't say, or you said what you shouldn't have said, you were just behaving in a way so that you are liked but then after coming home you felt a resentful of yourself. Then your action was a lie. Of course you must be liked in some social situations. There is a boundary between being narcissitic psychopath and just kind and sweet. And also you do owe some niceness to people you love.  Do you feel content with your own-self even after going against your natural instincts? then you acted truthfully else you cheated yourself. One potential question I keep asking myself is, did the words I used or actions I did, were for reducing misery for someone else? Or were they put in a way that seemed like a solution for someone but in reality (which I know of) just to get what I want. I have come to realize for myself that Truth is godly. why? because after you are truthful, anything could happen and that anything has potential. But lying is very deterministic, and if you lie very carefully, you normally know what you are going to get. For someone with ADHD especially, since we are the dopamine junkies, and our dopamine circuitry are not wired properly, it just feels that the Life itself is a lie. Since this is not a self help blog and I am not a professional, I just note down my thoughts here. My thought here says, that dopamine levels in ADHD decline just in thinking and speaking so much that there is nothing left for actions. I know right!! Its crazy hell down in this brain. 

    One big thing that I am experiencing on the path of growth is that I often come across my own deceitful behavior. It becomes evident like a sudden light bulb that I have not acted right to my own-self. Path of growth is often Lonely they say, and yes mostly it is, I heard Dr. Peterson once say, because you are moving towards some people, you find very successful, you must walk away from the people you were with before. This walking away is lonely. Walking away doesn't always mean break all connection with them. It could mean also to stop indulging in those parts of the group behavior that you don't want your future self to have. Hence having a future self is of utmost importance. And here its also good to know what kind of person you want to be. That's where Idols and Gurus play a big role. I was suggested that Idols mustn't be followed 100%.Its ok to have 10% idol in 10 different people. Although this was diverting from the original topic of trust and deceit, I find it important to have mentioned.

All in all, self deception is the real problem. Wish you growth #WhateverItTakes



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